I went for confession today. I haven't done this in years.Somehow, I felt the need to bare my intestine before somebody.
I chose the priest- because he listens without interruptions.
For the record, I don't believe the priest has any power to forgive my sins... I only see him as a psychologist.
There I was before him though shielded by the veil...
And I said...' father, I think I am sick...'
The only time that he had to interrupt me... he asked: 'how do you mean...'?
I said, father, I worry too much about people around me...
most times I worry about my Dad- who just acquired another wife...
often times I wonder if my mama who passed away ten years ago is still watching over me...
I worry about the one lady in my life...I worry about my choice of her over others...
Father, as I am speaking to you now, I am worrying how I would put this confession down in my blog...
Yet, I still worry about what people will think of me when they read this...
I am particularly worried about a friend of mine... who is in Russian and wants to visit me in the UK...
the problem is money...
I am also worried about Nigeria... sometimes I wonder if I will ever see her again in one piece...
I am worried about another friend of mine who can barely take care of himself... yet, his wife is expecting another baby - the third!
I am worried about my baby sister who is going out with a neurotic(as if I am not one myself) and I also suspects he uses drugs...
I am worried about Iraq and all those who have died for nothing... I am worried about life... sometimes, I think of tomorrow...even though, I strenuously try to take each day as it comes...
I worry about death and the hereafter...
I worry about what will become of me... when I eventually pass on...
I worry even about my house, my car, my dog, my clothes and my prescious shoes- what will become of all these...
And then, I worry about you...why you have choosen to be a priest... and listen to these dirty confessions...
Father, am I sick...?
Father lifted the veil... and said, "my son, you have just lifted the world off your shoulders; go in peace and worry no more..."
Somehow, I am relieved...
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Is the World on My Shoulders...?
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4 comments:
You are not alone... Quite a number of people, unconsciously, put "the weight of the world" on their shoulders. Worrying about themselves, their friends, their family, the world... It is not unnatural.
I am a victim of this as well...
But I try to remind myself as often as I can - You only live once, try not to worry so much.
Ditto to buki.
But i said to myself, i have to find a "ZEN" place if not i will go mad. So find a ZEN place and work within it and you would be much better.
As a catholic, I think thats the reason for the Priest in the first place, as a counscellor. God has the capability to forgive sins but he also delegated it to his disciples. It helps to talk things out with another human being.
As for your worries, its easy to get hung up on all your problems but I CHOOSE to take a positive outlook on life, every problem has a solution or lesson. Your sisters 'neurotic bf' could teach you one or two things about the way you present yourself, your step mum could give your dad a lot of hapiness and peace..etc, look for the positive side
Anyway what does worrying do..it doesnt really change anything, just makes you old!
Hmmmmn...nice one.
Taking the paths of Chinua Achebe, Wole Soyinka, Zulu Sofola, Femi Osofisan, Chimamanda Adichie, Uzodinma Iweala, the new entrance is...so-obscure!!!
I see potentials in your crafty writings. Work on them & we'll start paying for your rants. I enjoy this piece.
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